Northern Lights

A few weeks before Mason's surgery he and I were sitting on the couch looking through a travel magazine together. We talked about all of the places that were featured, deciding if we thought we'd like to check them out ourselves one day. We came across an article about Alaskan cruises and an accompanying picture of the Northern Lights. Mason was really fascinated with the lights and ever since watching the Winter Olympics in Norway as a kid, I've wanted to see them. We decided that seeing the Northern Lights together was definitely something that we wanted to do. As his surgery date got closer, I thought the picture of the lights might be a good focal point if he became nervous, so I cut it out and put it in my purse. On the day of his surgery, as we waited, waited and waited, he wasn't nervous at all and uncharacteristically, neither was I, but we talked about the lights and looked at the picture anyway. When Mason came home and through his difficult recovery as he bravely fought an infection that we didn't know he had, we talked about the Northern Lights a lot. Seeing them was something for us to look forward to and a picture in our minds to hold on to. I couldn't stand the thought of them after he died and I decided that I didn't want to see them anymore since we couldn't see them together. The secondary losses are many. I have been able to move through some of them. Some of them I haven't yet and some of them I may never. I am sad that I won't get to see the Northern Lights with Mason but I think I might like to see them one day anyway. We won't be able to enjoy them in the same way that we would have but I can look at them and look forward to the even more amazing things that we WILL get to see together in Heaven. I love my sweet boy and I miss him so much.