Jenny's 12th birthday was this weekend and she wanted to spend it at Rocky Gap. We have had many special times at Rocky Gap and Jenny loves the nature in the mountains. Jason and I realized we were in love fourteen years ago at Rocky Gap and we have taken several trips there as a family and with our friends from England but we hadn't been in a few years so I thought it would be easier to go there than to somewhere like the beach where we had more recent memories. I was wrong. As soon as we got there and unpacked, we took a hike around the lodge and the lake. There were beautiful butterflies flying around us, stopping on the flowers and bushes for quick photo ops. The weather was nice and life wasn't so bad. Then, there it was... the campfire circle. Instantly, my mind saw Mason eating ever so lightly roasted marshmallows by the twos at the campfire circle and I was painting a wooden moose with him during kids craft time and hanging it in our room window so he could identify our room from the outside. I was letting him sit in the hot tub with me because he loved the warm water so much. I was reasurring him that we wouldn't fall out of the canoe on the lake if we just sat still (but wishing the rental time would pass quickly just the same). I was walking around the Aviary with him, learning about the birds of prey. Once my mind started, it was impossible to turn it off. We came in for dinner and had a seafood buffet, to Jenny's delight, but I could hear Mason complaining about how bad it smelled and how he wasn't eating any of that gross stuff. I don't think I slept more than a half hour at a time that night. I kept waking up wondering why I wasn't crowded, suprised that he hadn't crawled in bed beside me, looking over at the sleeper sofa (or couch bed as he and Jenny always called it) where there should have been two but there was just one, with the whole bed to herself. The next day we drove a little deeper into the mountains, along the old National Road and to an artisan village where we stopped frequently to gather leaves for Jenny's collection and to browse at the artisan's shops. The whole time, there was a missing hand in mine and there was no voice prodding us along or asking if we were taking a whole forest full of leaves home with us. There was a painting in one of the shops of a stuffed monkey sitting on a window ledge, entitled On A Ledge. If it wasn't $200 I would have bought it. It reminded me so much of Mason. When we got back to the lodge, on the way to the spa for Jenny's birthday pedicure, we passed the same painting (the lodge displayed some of the arts & crafts from the village). The little eyes on the monkey seemed to follow me. As I was waiting for Jenny in the spa, I slouched down into a chair and was relaxing to the music that was playing, trying to get that monkey out of my head. When I opened my eyes there were three candles burning on a wall shelf in front of me. Three lights for the three children in my heart. One with me on earth. Two with God in Heaven. My joyful little monkey is there and I am sitting on a ledge.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
On A Ledge
Jenny's 12th birthday was this weekend and she wanted to spend it at Rocky Gap. We have had many special times at Rocky Gap and Jenny loves the nature in the mountains. Jason and I realized we were in love fourteen years ago at Rocky Gap and we have taken several trips there as a family and with our friends from England but we hadn't been in a few years so I thought it would be easier to go there than to somewhere like the beach where we had more recent memories. I was wrong. As soon as we got there and unpacked, we took a hike around the lodge and the lake. There were beautiful butterflies flying around us, stopping on the flowers and bushes for quick photo ops. The weather was nice and life wasn't so bad. Then, there it was... the campfire circle. Instantly, my mind saw Mason eating ever so lightly roasted marshmallows by the twos at the campfire circle and I was painting a wooden moose with him during kids craft time and hanging it in our room window so he could identify our room from the outside. I was letting him sit in the hot tub with me because he loved the warm water so much. I was reasurring him that we wouldn't fall out of the canoe on the lake if we just sat still (but wishing the rental time would pass quickly just the same). I was walking around the Aviary with him, learning about the birds of prey. Once my mind started, it was impossible to turn it off. We came in for dinner and had a seafood buffet, to Jenny's delight, but I could hear Mason complaining about how bad it smelled and how he wasn't eating any of that gross stuff. I don't think I slept more than a half hour at a time that night. I kept waking up wondering why I wasn't crowded, suprised that he hadn't crawled in bed beside me, looking over at the sleeper sofa (or couch bed as he and Jenny always called it) where there should have been two but there was just one, with the whole bed to herself. The next day we drove a little deeper into the mountains, along the old National Road and to an artisan village where we stopped frequently to gather leaves for Jenny's collection and to browse at the artisan's shops. The whole time, there was a missing hand in mine and there was no voice prodding us along or asking if we were taking a whole forest full of leaves home with us. There was a painting in one of the shops of a stuffed monkey sitting on a window ledge, entitled On A Ledge. If it wasn't $200 I would have bought it. It reminded me so much of Mason. When we got back to the lodge, on the way to the spa for Jenny's birthday pedicure, we passed the same painting (the lodge displayed some of the arts & crafts from the village). The little eyes on the monkey seemed to follow me. As I was waiting for Jenny in the spa, I slouched down into a chair and was relaxing to the music that was playing, trying to get that monkey out of my head. When I opened my eyes there were three candles burning on a wall shelf in front of me. Three lights for the three children in my heart. One with me on earth. Two with God in Heaven. My joyful little monkey is there and I am sitting on a ledge.
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