At this time last year we were about to find out that Josiah was being formed within me and at this time two years ago we had just found out that Mason's death was caused by an undiagnosed, untreated infection. The emotions that we experienced with each discovery were extreme, of life and death, of good and bad.
Remembering those events and preparing for a new one next week, has caused me to think about two other good and bad extremes that our family has and continues to experience -peace and pain. The last moments that I had with Mason were spent whispering in his ear while I brushed hair off his forehead with my fingers and pressed my face tightly against his. I knew it would be the last time I'd see my sweet boy this side of Heaven and I knew the reality of that was going to be HARD. I was whispering in Mason's ear but it was God who I was talking to and it was God who heard and answered me. In those moments, ones I will never forget, I asked for help and I asked for peace. I got, and still get, help in ways that I didn't realize existed and peace that continues to completely surpass my understanding. To say that I am thankful would be an understatement. I can't imagine living without that peace now. I don't think it would be possible. The pain is still deep but so is the peace. Peace in the midst of pain doesn't make sense to some people and maybe that is why some people are calling us strange and criticizing us for the way that we have grieved. In response to the criticism, I initially feel the need to defend myself and my love for Mason, but God gently reminds me that He is my defender and He knows my heart.
Reflecting on peace through pain has led me to think of the peace and hope that I have through the pain and death that Jesus endured on the cross. May I be bold enough to use the opportunities that I am given to share our story, our peace and most importantly, plain and simply Jesus, even when people think I'm strange or criticize me.