What does a person that is hurting look like? Is there a list of visible symptoms they must have before they should get treatment with compassion? Do they have to be crying? screaming? refusing to function? addicted? lost? poor? hungry? sharing their sorrows with anyone who will listen?From past experience, I knew there would be times that my outward appearance would cause people to forget that I was broken inside. I am a do-er and I feel pretty confident in knowing that God still has things for me to do here, even though sometimes I don't feel like doing anything without Mason, my son, my friend, the only person that I know who I really felt like I "got" and who really "got" me. I loved and enjoyed him every single second that he was here and I will miss him every single second until we are together again. Sometimes I feel alone, but God reminds me that's not really true.
Today I am a little tired. I am tired of fighting with insensitve people at the bank who give me a fit every other time I go in because we haven't created a legal memorial fund yet, even though we can't do so without a death certificate (which we don't have because we are still waiting on the medical examiner's office). I am tired of talking to people who think that just because I look "okay", I feel like discussing personal and private details in casual public situations or that I have "moved on" and they no longer need to acknowledge my sweet little boy before bombarding me with what they are going through, how tired they are of dealing with their kids, how they are so sad because they have to watch their kids growing up, why they couldn't do something I asked because they are so busy and what bad shape the world is in because of the drama on Jon and Kate Plus 8.
Please don't judge books by their covers...
By the way, Mason was happy and acting crazy, as always, in this picture.
Sometimes when I look a TJ I can't tell what he is thinking. He has become so much more serious and grown up since Mason died. I know that he thinks about Mason much more than he talks about him. So I can only imagine the thoughts and feelings that you and your family have. I am reading your blog every Wed and thinking of you all often. Remember that we are only a stone throw away!
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ReplyDeleteYou have my permission to BOP on the HEAD the next person who tells you, "You're so strong." =) Because I am sure people are telling you that so much it makes you want to vomit. I remember thinking, "What choice do I have?" Life keeps going whether you are ready or not, and I know that hurts so much some days...
I think of you all so often...
Blair
I don't have words my sweet friend. I do know what you mean though, I would have a smile on my face but inside I am screaming. I wish people would keep their mouths shut, I wish you weren't feeling this pain, but they won't and you are, so I just put you in the palm of Jesus and you will be taken care of in the best way. I love you!
ReplyDeleteI don't know what to say or how you really feel but I will keep praying for you and your family.I have another friend who lost her daughter in September and I felt awkward with her because I didn't know what she wanted...to talk about her daughter's death or life...or should I just hug her and say hi? I really was at a loss until I ran into her 2 weeks ago and we had an interesting conversation. She just felt like talking and I felt priviliged to be the one she wanted to talk to. She asked me how I felt when I saw her and I was honest and said I felt awkward because I didn't know what to say. We had a good talk and she was grateful to hear the truth, that people don't mean to seem uncaring or act weird around her but they don't know what to do....what to do in the right way. Maybe there isn't a right way? I don't know. I'm curious to hear your thoughts on this.
ReplyDeleteMy beautiful friend.......sometimes, people don't know what to say or how to act around someone who has suffered such a tremendous loss. We want to be supportive, but are not sure how to do that. I can only speak for me when I say you and Jason, Jennifer and Mason are always in my prayers. My heart hurts for you on a regular basis, but I don't know what I can do to help. My heart is always opened to you, my friend. Just let me know what you need and I will do whatever I can to help. I am always here for you.
ReplyDelete-Shannon
From one mama to another..much love to you and your family. Just with the few pictures and stories you have shared about Mason warmed my heart..he will forever live in the hearts of everyone whos lives he touched. Stay strong, and thank you for sharing your beautiful son with the rest of the world. May God grant you and your family strength at this time.
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